More of Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sunday, Dec. 10-13

I have decided to blog the events at Sumy the last few days. I have struggled a bit with whether I should, but I have decided to be honest. It is not meant to discourage other families.

Last Wed., we went to the orphanage at the usual time after classes were over, 3:00 p.m. The plan was to get permission to take Rita to visit her grandma. Rita had expressed that wish. When we stepped out of the cab, Vlad (the cute boy hosted in Utah) told us Rita's mother was upstairs in Rita's room with her. Angela (mother) had not visited in six months. Somehow she was there this day at precisely our usual visiting time. We braced ourselves and took Inna with us to go upstairs. We knew all relatives were encouraging adoption, except Angela. We had asked Rita about this; Rita told us she (Rita) was very serious about our adopting her and would not be deterred by Angela.

When we entered the room, Angela appeared hostile. She had a big frown on her face. We introduced ourselves and sat on Rita's bed and talked to Inna and Rita while Angela watched us. After a while, Angela stormed out. Rita followed her in tears. They stood in the hall and hugged and cried, hugged and cried. Then they walked outside. Inna, Michael, and I waited for a long time. When Rita returned she was sobbing. We felt nothing but sympathy for her. Inna asked her, "Do you want a mom and dad every day, or do you want a mom that visits you twice a year? Do you understand why you're not with Angela? It's because she was always drunk, didn't take care of you, and the judge took you away from her."

Well, I can see this story will be very lengthy, so I'm going to be more brief. When we returned on Thursday to visit, things had changed. Rita was cold, some of the friends were cold, and Rita called her mom as soon as we arrived while we stood in the hall. Finally cute Lena invited us to sit on her bed (not in Rita's room). When Rita came in, she had Vlad and Yura with her. We had not met Yura before. He was an older kid. Vlad told us that Yura is Rita's defender. We wondered what she needed a defender for. The conversation over the next hour was alarming. Vlad translated for us even though Rita has some English. (By the way, we asked Rita questions all week and got virtually no answers, ever.) Rita started off with, "I do not want to become Mormon, I am Christian; I have a boyfriend; if a boy and girl love each other, they should be together; I don't want to go to America until the new year because I want to spend Christmas here," etc., etc.

To make sure Rita was clear on what was expected, we returned Friday with a translator. Inna had gone back to Kiev very ill, so we took Tania. We had met her at church, and she has been the translator for many other families from Utah. Very cute girl, very pro adoption, and a translator by profession. We then proceeded to have a very nonthreatening conversation with Rita. We told her we needed her to be very honest with us. We told Rita we wouldn't dream of forcing her to belong to our church but that if she is Christian, then she will have no problem living Christian values in our home. We reviewed the values including morality, honesty, no dating until 16, no smoking, drinking, etc. etc. etc. We then asked if she was willing to live those "Christian" values. She would not answer. We asked if she needed time to think about it. She nodded. Tania then arranged for Rita to call her the next day with her answer. Tania also spoke to Rita from her own heart, telling her she should not miss this opportunity, that she would regret it the rest of her life. Rita told Tania (out of our presence) that she has had four other families want to adopt her, all of whom she turned down. Tania was amazed. She asked her why she turned them down. Rita had no answer. We then asked Rita if there was anything we could clarify or any questions. Rita asked this question: "Is it okay if I call you Michael and Lori and not Mom and Dad?"

So we waited 48 hours and never heard from Rita. We talked to Tania Sunday at church; she had not heard from Rita. We went to the orphanage Sunday afternoon with a letter for Rita to tell her good-bye.

On Monday, Inna, the inspector, the director, and others who care about Rita met with her (without us). They asked her why she is doing this. She had no answers. Inna said she never spoke more than "da" and "nyet." They met with her for a very long time, individually and together. Rita basically shut down.

We are now back in Kiev, and we have nothing but sympathy for this 14-year-old girl. I think her mother has played so many mind games with her, she is totally confused. We will always remember her and pray for her.

We are in good spirits. Don't be sad for us, only for Rita. We are focusing on Alex and our court date Friday and getting home to our family.

This is the neighborhood we lived in for 11 days while in Sumy. Many people have huge garden plots and live off their garden all year.

Michael waiting at the bus stop.

Trash is a real problem.

This is the cute Tania that helped us talk to Rita. She can speak four languages and is learning a fifth.

The elders in our ward. They taught us which bus to catch, where to shop, and how to buy lunch for $1 at Bleenoks. (Yummy burrito loaded with chicken, potatoes, cheese, etc.)