Thursday, February 18, 2010

Here are a couple more pictures of Eric. He called this weapon an RPG. He said it's not loaded.


This is a personal armored carrier that he drives.


On Monday, President's Day, we went out to the West Desert to shoot. This has always been a favorite thing to do for my boys. I go along to try to be a good sport, but I can't understand the attraction. This is Alex, Patrick (friend), and Quinn with their eye and ear protection on.


Their favorite gun is the AK 47. I forgot to get pictures with that one. Oh, well.



The kick would send Alex back a step with each shot!

Alex's English is coming along. He says things like, "It's so cool," or "It's so fun," or "Are you kidding me?" or "What the heck?" The first time we heard, "What the heck?" we all burst into laughter. The first time we heard, "Holy crap," we all looked at each other and decided we needed to be more careful in our choice of words.

Alex's favorite words on Tuesday were, "I don't like school. It's no fun. No friends."

Or when doing homework, "I don't like this. Geez, Mom."

Or when being told Mrs. Benson was coming, "I don't like it."

Or when eating dinner, "I don't like this."

It seemed the "I don't like" and the "I don't want" just went on and on. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything about our family or house that he does like. About 8:00 p.m., I had had enough and said, "I know, Alex. You don't like anything." I went into Marissa's room, closed the door, and screamed, "Take me away!!"

This sent Alex into melt-down mode. He went to bed and would not talk to anyone. Next morning he refused breakfast and would not talk to anyone.

Come Tuesday evening, he had returned to normal. When he is "normal," he is very cute and endearing. For instance, last night at Scouts, he saved his ice cream treat to bring home to give to Michael because it was his birthday. I thought that was very sweet and thoughtful. This morning we saw him restrain himself from saying, "I don't like this" when we put breakfast before him. He simply took a few bites but didn't complain. My friend told me to think about the movie What About Bob? "Baby steps, baby steps."

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Collection of Recent Photos

Here are a few pictures of Eric in Iraq. This is some pretty impressive equipment. I'll add more pictures later when our computer is working right. It shut down on me while downloading photos.



Quinn received his Star at Court of Honor.
I can't take credit for all those merit badges, 25 to date. He has a great Scout leader.

Eric's gun arrived back home after a "recall." The boys had to have some pictures with it before we locked it away.


Working on the science fair.

Josh, Quinn, and Alex at Camp Klondike. This was Alex's first Scout camp, a nice cold one to break him in.

More science fair. At least the experiments tasted good.

Gage, Emily, Marissa, and Zack got free VIP tickets to a Jazz game. Emily's parents know the coach from the opposing team. Here they are, looking very short, with one of the team members.


This is Christmas Eve at the Salt Lake Airport, the night we brought Alex home.


A Christmas picture of Zack and Marissa

Quinn was in the group that represented Calvin Smith Elementary at Creative Pursuits.

We go the the Martin Luther King lunch every January. It's free. Michael does some legal work for the NAACP.

Alex having a melt-down. Was that mean to take a picture?

Alex and Quinn before school. This was Alex's first day of school in America.

Adoption is a Life-Changing Experience

So I took Alex and Quinn to school today because I had visions of them on the bus carrying their science display boards and everyone pulling and poking at their boards and all the pictures and information falling off onto the floor of the bus. I can't tell you how elated I was this morning to have those two projects leave the house today. I hope both boys are proud of their projects and can hold their chins up. Quinn mentioned to me yesterday that a few kids had said, "Oh, no. Science fair is due tomorrow, and I haven't started!" Oh, brother.

I wanted to share my thoughts on another incident that is bugging me. We got the boys to bed pretty late last night because of (you guessed it) last-minute touches on the science projects. After family prayer, I told them, "You have five minutes to be in bed. I'm going to come down in five minutes, and you better both be in bed." Note: Alex moves in slow motion. There is no hurrying this boy. The bus can be on the corner, and he is like the rock of inertia, especially when you're trying to get him to read, do homework, or something else he finds unpleasant. And going to bed is unpleasant for him, although it's one of my favorite activities.

Anyway I waited for five minutes and went down to their room. Surprisingly both boys were in bed. However, Quinn's bed and floor were covered with clean socks, underwear, and undershirts that looked like they had been thrown there. I said, "What's going on?"

Quinn said Alex had taken them out of Alex's drawer and thrown them at Quinn, claiming they were Quinn's. Alex's story was the same. He was very bothered by the fact that Quinn's stuff was in his drawer and said he threw them over on Quinn's side of the room. I asked him why he couldn't simply have said, "Quinn, I think these are your things. Here, I'll put them in your drawer for you." Alex responded by putting his blanket over his head and ignoring me. He then gestured with his hand that he wants a wall put down the middle of the room. I knew exactly what he meant because he's already talked to me about it before.

I said, "Oh, you want a bedroom of your own? Did you have your own bedroom in Ukraine?"

"No."

"How many boys did you share your room with in Ukraine?"

Silence.

"Wasn't it seventeen? Seventeen boys in one room in Ukraine?"

"Yes, but my friends."

"Quinn is your friend. Quinn is nice to you. Not only is he your friend, but he's your brother. "

With that, I left the room.

I wanted to say, "This was Quinn's room before it was yours, yet Quinn has never asked to put a wall down the center. All the toys you play with are Quinn's. Quinn lets you use everything he has and has complained very little. Do you think this has been easy for Quinn or anybody else in our family? Do you know he has agreed to share his life so that you can have one? Do you realize how much less time and attention he has from me and dad so that we can help you with your homework, help you learn English, help you read?"

Well, that's what I wanted to say, but I didn't. I'm still smoldering about it. Maybe I should have said it. Maybe it would make me feel better to pull out the ledger of expenditures made to give him a home and show him what it took. He would be blown away. Maybe I should have removed ALL of the socks, undershirts, and underpants from Alex's drawer and put them in Quinn's drawer so Alex could remember what life was like in Ukraine and realize what a blessing it is to have a surplus of those clean items.

Or maybe I should just let it die and try to realize that this all has been traumatic for him too, that he lost his friends, his country, his name, his language, and his routine life in one day. As poor as it seemed to me, it was his life as he knew it, and it disappeared in one day. I hope he and I both will learn the lessons to be gained from this life-changing experience.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Another *(^#A@ Day!!

Yesterday was another of those very difficult days with Alex. He came upstairs after showering and dressing and was in SLOW MOTION. Michael told him, "You need to be upstairs at 7:20 so we can get everything done." This made him move even slower. He ambled towards the kitchen chair as if to eat, and Michael said, "Come on. Let's go get your reading done." He appeared surprised that reading was coming before eating, but we decided if reading came first, then he would have to hurry to eat, instead of taking all day to eat and then not having time to read. Aren't we smart?

Reading actually went fairly well, but then Alex thought he'd get back at us by refusing to eat. Oh, well. It's going to be another hungry day at school. Lunch will look awfully good today.

Fast forward to 3:30 p.m. when the boys get home from school. I dug in Alex's backpack to retrieve his math homework and had him start on it. We have a tight schedule on Monday because the boys have soccer, which we signed up for solely to make Alex happy. He moaned and whined and had attitude for ten minutes over math homework. I gave him a little talking to about being happy, that happiness is a choice, HIS choice, and that either way, happy or mad, he still has to do his homework.

Just then the doorbell rang, and I said, "Mrs. Benson is here to help you." I let her in, and I then had a five-minute battle of the wills with Alex.

"Come on, Alex. Mrs. Benson is here to read with you."

"No Mrs. Benson."

"Come on. Only 30 minutes, and then it will be time to go to soccer."

Silence.

"Be happy, Alex. Once you get better at reading, we won't have to do this anymore."

"No reading."

"Alex, if you won't read today, I can't take you to soccer practice."

Silence.

"Which is it? It's your decision?"

"I don't know, Mom." More silence.

Well, you get the idea. I finally sent Mrs. Benson home, and I know Alex regretted it immediately. I called Michael and said, "Any way you can come home to be with Alex while I take Quinn to soccer? Alex needs to observe us leaving for soccer. "

Fortunately Michael was free to come home, and off Quinn and I went. Michael said Alex never moved from the recliner for 90 minutes. He was still there when Quinn and I got home. He refused dinner. At 67 pounds, you can't really afford to skip two meals in one day, but oh well. I can't force him to eat.

After dinner we all went to a Bennion Jr. High open house for sixth graders. Halfway through the evening, Alex started to return to his normal self. He was blown away by the fact that every classroom in the junior high has a "smart" board, which is something I myself knew nothing about. It's a huge computer screen on the wall, and the teachers just tap it with their hand to go to different websites and to use for interactive learning. I think Alex started to think about how lucky he was to be here and started comparing the school to his school back in Ukraine. On the way home we had a discussion about the importance of education and hard work, and by the time we got back, the Alex we know and love had returned. He hugged and kissed everybody and was happy the rest of the night. He even finished up his math and did more problems than I asked him to.

This morning he served my breakfast up for me and got me orange juice. If only that little boy would stay instead of the one that comes to visit every third day or so.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

News from Iraq

Wow, two posts in one day. We heard from Eric last week. He is in Balad, Iraq. He says the internet service sucks and disconnects every two minutes. He sent some great photos, which I can't share presently because our family computer, where all our photos reside, is undergoing trauma. Hopefully it will be fixed soon, and I'll post lots of pictures. Eric looks good. We're waiting to hear more from him. Iraq looks like a wasteland.

My Awesome Sixth Graders

My sixth graders' midterm report cards came home yesterday. Quinn's was great, and Alex's, although he didn't receive actual letter grades, was very encouraging also. His teacher wrote, "Alex is doing extremely well. He is learning at a rapid rate, especially in math. He is able to follow classroom discussions and even makes comments of his own. Thanks for all your support."

Not bad for five weeks in America.

Later in a phone conversation, she said, "Kudos to Quinn. He comes in several times a day to check on Alex and spends his lunches and recesses with him."

Well, since I don't hesitate to blog about all the negative, I thought I'd blog about my happy day for once. But I also know that "This too will pass," and that surely there's more !*-#*! just around the corner.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Science Fair Projects

Are there any moms out there who HATE the science fair projects as much as I do? However, Quinn and I are doing a pretty fun one this year. I say "Quinn and I" because everyone knows these things would never happen without a mom prodding and pushing behind the scenes, right? Quinn's science fair project question is: Are cookies made with name-brand ingredients better than cookies made with generic or "value" ingredients? So we made a huge batch of cookies using the name-brand ingredients, Hershey's, Quaker, Viva, C&H, Arm & Hammer, Morton, Crisco, Pillsbury, McCormick. Then we made a huge batch of cookies using the "cheap" ingredients, Kroger, Great Value, Western Family. Even the eggs, salt, cinnamon, and baking soda were made with the cheapest "no name" ingredients. The same recipe was used for both batches, and our measurements were impeccable. Then we invitied our neighbors to come and do a taste test, not knowing which was which. We had over forty people come to our house last night to participate. Invite them to come eat cookies, and they will come! Then each person secretly voted for which cookie they liked best, the ones on the red plate or the ones on the black plate. Guess which one won? The cheap, generic cookies won with 27 votes, the name brand cookies receiving 12 votes. Two people didn't vote; they said they couldn't tell any difference. Wow. It only goes to prove what I've known all along.

Now any ideas for Alex's project? One down, one to go.