We're Home

With great sadness last Wednesday, we called Oksana and asked her to stop all work on our adoption of Ruslan. I think she knew it might be coming. Things were good the first few days with Ruslan but quickly started to unravel on Sunday evening, and every passing day the problems seemed to increase and the pit in my stomach got bigger. I know that's very vague, but I have resolved to spare everyone the details. The bottom line is that the relationship between us and Ruslan never developed. Michael hung on a little longer than I did and kept trying to be a cheerleader, but on Wednesday, even he acknowledged that with court looming two days away, we had to call it quits. Oksana had worked miracles in getting such an early court date, but it ended up being a two-edged sword because it forced us into making a decision really fast. We found out after we arrived in Ukraine that the court in Dnipro would be closed for two weeks beginning June 29, and it put everything for us on a fast track.

I want to make it clear here that I think Ruslan has potential. He's smart, handsome, coordinated, and we're told he's healthy. Although the dynamics with our family didn't work out, we're very hopeful that when he's hosted this fall, it will work great for another family.

We met with Ruslan Thursday to tell him good-bye. Michael did an A+ job of explaining and trying to teach some things to him. He listened and didn't shed any tears, although Michael had to stop to gain his composure. After Ruslan left the room, Michael and I both broke down into sobs. We were told by the Bensons that Ruslan came out of the room, went outside, and started playing with the other kids as if nothing happened. They also saw him extensively later that day, and he seemed to be happy as a clam. He was hanging out with Oksana and Lena most of the day. This was really good to hear. The last thing we ever wanted was to harm that little boy further. He will always be in our thoughts and prayers.

So we have spent the last 14 months hoping to bring an orphan from Ukraine into our family. We suffered the painful loss of Bogdan, and now our second trip to Ukraine is etched into our minds. If we have any words of advice, it is that the hosting program works much better than blind adoption. Blind adoption is a little like going to Vegas, only you need to put all your money on the table even before you leave home. It's difficult to build a relationship and make eternal decisions after a few short days with someone, especially in a foreign country and within the walls of an orphanage. I applaud those that have been successful at it.

I want to take my hat off to Michael, who traveled with me every step of the way on this journey, and we give our sincere thanks to Drew and Jen Benson. Jen and I shed tears together as this story played out, and Drew gave us some great words of advice and was our electronics coach while in Ukraine. (Most electronics stop working when we touch them.) Also the Lobos clan always had kind words for us. Thanks to all of you who emotionally supported us by your kind words on the blog, and thanks to our own children, our parents, and our brothers and sisters for your support.

We have certainly learned to appreciate this country, with all of its problems, and are glad to be home.