Four-Month Mark

Well, it's almost four months now since we got home with Alex. I wanted to memorialize our feelings, frustrations, and victories we are experiencing with our adopted son. First the victories:

We are hardly ever having eating issues anymore. Michael and I both commented just the other day that Alex's appetite has been successfully awakened. I can't remember the last time he complained about food, except for school lunches, but even noncomplaining Quinn agreed with Alex that the school lunches are just awful. Quinn said he eats his because he's just starving by lunchtime, and then he eats half of Alex's lunch. We have decided to pack lunches for school now, and it seems to have solved the issue, not to mention it will be nice to stop throwing money away on lunches that are only partly eaten. Alex is even having seconds sometimes at dinner and seems to have more energy. In the past, he has been lethargic at times and doesn't seem to have the energy to do things.

The sleep issues have improved a lot, although Alex still asks, "Why?" EVERY single time we say it's time for bed. It is a twenty- or thirty-minute ordeal to get him finally into bed with teeth brushed and pajamas on. We have solved the morning dilemma by getting Alex up before Quinn and into the shower. We call him our one-speed boy, and that speed is SLOW. (I mentioned I would list the positives first. I guess this is starting to sound like a negative already.)

Alex is quick to say, "I love you," and quick to forgive most of the time. He is playing a little with neighborhood kids, and I haven't heard "no friends at school" for a long time. Out of the blue the other day, he said, "Mom and Dad, thanks for adopting me." Michael and I just looked at each other and tried not to let our mouths hang open.

Alex is quick to help. He helped me catch up on our photo album last Sunday and wouldn't leave until it was done. He helps in the yard and will wash dishes anytime I ask. He is always there for a kiss and hug. He is the first to say, "Thanks, Mom and Dad," when we go out for dinner or ice cream.

Alex doesn't complain about going to church. Can you imagine sitting in church three hours and not really understanding much? But he does it every week. He even fasted a couple weeks ago. He complained a lot, but when I told him he could eat if he wanted, that fasting was between him and Heavenly Father, he decided to continue on. (Later his Sunday School teacher told me he showed her how he kept a piece of candy in his pocket because he was so hungry. I don't know if he actually ate it or if he just kept touching it to give him strength!)

Biggest concerns that we are working on:
Alex is very into having fun. If something immensely fun is not planned and in his radar, he says, "Today bad day. Teachers stupid. Homework stupid. Lunch bad. Today stupid." We had a discussion this morning about attitude, that if he thinks it will be a bad day, it probably will be. When I told the boys good-bye, I said, "Bye, Quinn. Have a good day. Bye, Alex. Have a bad day." That brought a little giggle from Alex and turned things around. But honestly, at times it's just a string of complaints that are never ending. Are my other adoptive friends experiencing this? Example. We went to Lagoon a couple Saturdays ago because we have friends that got us very discounted tickets. About midday after having several hours of fun, Alex said, "What to do, Mom?" (We were in between rides.) I said, "What?" He said, "What to do? Boring." I am proud of myself for not losing it at that point. I said, "Lagoon is not fun enough for you?" He said, "Not really fun for me." What the heck? Can someone out there please explain this to me? Is it part of an attachment disorder? Now, I realize he is a little afraid of heights and doesn't like the feeling of "someone eating my stomach," but we went on ride after ride of his choosing, and yet he still complained that it wasn't fun enough.

He does his homework just to get it done. There is no thought to actually remembering how to do the math problem for future homework. If he can get the answer somehow for today's assignment, all is well. He can always ask mom how to do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Live for today kind of thing. Maybe it's typical, but he gets so angry at me while doing his homework, I think he would like to punch me. Yesterday I told him to take a break and go downstairs and punch the punching bag, he could pretend it was his school teacher. That brought a little giggle and seemed to end his rage.

Yes, I have had moments of,"Why did we do this? What was I thinking?" And as my friend said, admitting that won't give me the mother of the year award. But I actually haven't had those thoughts for a while now, and I have confidence and hope that things will just continue to improve.

I take my hat off to other moms that are out there doing what I'm doing, only they have a lot more younger children to care for than I do at this stage. I wonder how they do it and how they care for multiple adopted children along with their biological children.